I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
