Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
