I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
