Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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