First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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