We're like a lot better than the average bears
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
