what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
