Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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