Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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