It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
