I hope mine doesn't look like that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
