Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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