before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
