I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
