Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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