saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
