i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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