i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
