I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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