the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
