do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
