apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
