i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
