why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
