He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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