PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
