so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
