when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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