Can i not drive my cunt home
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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