My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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