my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
