just tell him i said nine months
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
