Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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