Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
