Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just gift wrapped bread.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
