you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
