I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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