she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
