My sheets look like a crime scene.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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