Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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