Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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