he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
