I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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