shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
