It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
