I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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