just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
