Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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