she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
