It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
