Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
