Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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