i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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