if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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