we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
