I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
