i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
