are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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