i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
