well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
