life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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