well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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