oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
