Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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