dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
