I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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