There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
