sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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