Me. At least after what I've been through.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
