It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
