Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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