i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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