i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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