Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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