I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
